Aly's Fight Page 2
Finally, I got the nerve to tell him I couldn’t date him. I said it was because he was too old. Yes, it was a lie, but I was trying to let him down easily. I should have been honest, though, because my “too old” excuse fell apart a few weeks later when I started dating a guy who was even older than Josh. He definitely got the message at that point.
Why did I torture the poor boy? Obviously I had no clue how amazing he was—or what kindness hid beneath that pouf of curly hair. Thank goodness time has a way of changing hearts, minds, and hairstyles. With time and perspective, Jesus can help us see that our young, immature thoughts can be pretty silly. It won’t surprise you to hear that about a year later I realized how much of a mistake I’d made in letting Josh go.
During lunch at school one day, I was eyeballing Josh as he laughed with one of his friends, and I commented to a friend that he was really cute. I had learned that he wasn’t the “player” I’d assumed he was; he was just fun and made people smile. It’s amazing what a year and a good haircut can do! My friend, the teenage girl that she was, decided to play the role of matchmaker and tell Josh I was interested in him.
Now, let me tell you something about Josh Taylor: he doesn’t waste any time. When he sees something he wants, he goes for it! So almost immediately after my friend talked to him, he came right up to me and asked me out. That date—and every date afterward—went much differently than our first one did. I will always be thankful that he wanted me enough to pursue me twice.
—JOSH—
Yes, Aly finally came to her senses! I was so embarrassed when she ditched me the year before and was understandably leery when her friend told me she was suddenly into me. I had a bruised ego and did not want a repeat of the previous year’s fiasco, but it was a risk worth taking. I knew there was something special about this girl. Even if I only had a slim chance of winning her over, I had to take it. Fortunately, things worked out much better for us this time around.
Aly was different from any girl I’d ever known. The truth is, she was downright intimidating. There’s one image in my mind in particular that sums up who she is, even when she was a teenager. Shortly after we began dating, she and I went on a group ski trip together. Technically she was there with her girlfriends and I was there with my guy friends. Our relationship was new, and we were still getting to know each other, but that trip told me everything I needed to know about her.
One night Aly excused herself from the group to go to bed early. A little while later, I went upstairs to get something out of my room, and I noticed that the door to the girls’ room was open. As I walked past, I saw Aly sitting up and studying her Bible. Every other teenager in the building was either talking, playing, or sleeping, but there was Aly, reading her Bible and spending time alone with the Lord. To be honest, I probably didn’t even pack a Bible for that trip, but Aly made Bible study a priority even during spring break. I went to bed that night thinking, Am I out of my league? The answer, of course, was yes—but I didn’t let that stop me. I wasn’t about to let her slip away again.
Somehow I managed not to blow it, and Aly and I fell madly in love. We all hear about how young love isn’t real and how two people need to grow up and figure out who they are as individuals before they make big decisions about the person they are going to spend their life with. I totally get that, and I know a lot of young people make a ton of stupid decisions they later regret. However, even if it’s a one-in-a-million chance, young love can be a beautiful type of love. Being able to grow up with my wife has been one of the most amazing gifts of my life. I was with Aly when she got her driver’s license. We celebrated each other’s high school graduation. We moved each other in and out of dorms and apartments. We have a shared history of life experience at the heart of our relationship. Most importantly, we have seen each other at our best and worst in the past fifteen years, and we have seen God sustain us no matter what’s come our way. And, as you’ll see, we’ve been through a lot.
BUILDING A LIFE TOGETHER
—ALY—
Even though we began our relationship when we were young, Josh and I haven’t been joined at the hip every day since that first (well, technically second) date. After high school, we lived in different cities, with me at LSU and Josh figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. That time apart only clarified what we thought God was telling us: that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. We knew we were ready to commit our lives to each other forever, and we wanted forever to start as soon as possible. So, on July 22, 2006, at the ages of 21 and 19, Josh Taylor and Aly Page tied the knot and started a crazy adventure together.
We had a huge wedding with more than seven hundred friends and family members celebrating with us. Because we’d been together so long, our families were already close and practically all our friends were our friends. We were part of an amazing community, and our wedding was a celebration of that wonderful, gigantic family of believers. We had no idea then how important that history and support system would become.
We spent the next five years doing typical newlywed and young adult stuff. We moved around a few times as Josh got his career off the ground. It was a little bumpy at times, but overall, it was five years of marital bliss. I’m definitely the planner of the family, so any little surprises made me tweak what Josh and I called “my plan.” The plan was simple: move closer to our parents, work and save for a couple more years, do some traveling, and try to start having children when I was around twenty-three because I wanted to be a young mom. Then we’d get a nicer house, move up the corporate ladder, and raise some awesome kids. You know, typical American dream stuff.
While Josh did some experimenting to figure out what he wanted to do professionally, I always knew what I wanted to do—be a mom. This was always the biggest desire of my heart after being a wife, so I never spent much time dreaming about careers. However, while in college, God put marriage and family therapy on my heart and I decided to pursue that field of study. Although I always desired to be a homemaker and be with my future kids as much as possible, I knew that learning more about marriage and family would not only be a precursor to my possible future employment, but it would help me in my own marriage and with our future children. Two birds, one stone!
I started a master’s program so I could start a family therapy career. The plan was for me to work for a while until we had our first child. I’d stay home with the kids until they were in school. Then I could go back to work if I wanted to. I was excited about helping other marriages, families, and children, but I was more excited about raising my children. I couldn’t wait to meet them!
—JOSH—
Our first few years of marriage were indeed amazing, and despite walking through a few relocations, a job loss, school, and financial worries, we enjoyed the life we were building together. We were—and are—such great partners.
By our fifth wedding anniversary, I was working as the director of development and basketball coach at a private school, and Aly had started a PhD program in marriage and family therapy. For a little more excitement, we decided to build our first home too. Life for us as a couple was coming together, and soon it would be time for the next step on Aly’s life plan: babies!
When Aly mentioned being ready to start a family, though, I sensed a surprising restlessness stirring inside of me. I felt unsettled at my core, and I believed God was telling me to quit the coaching portion of my job. I spent so many nights thinking and praying, What? Why? How could this make sense right now? The team had just come off one of the most successful seasons in the school’s history, we were building a house, and we were about to start a family. How in the world would it make sense for me to give up a significant portion of our income?
I knew I would be crushing Aly’s dreams, but I had to tell her what I was feeling. It was a hard conversation, but Aly supported me. She said I needed to follow my convictions and trust that those convictions were from the Holy Spirit. I would still have my job at the school as t
he director of development, and, I reasoned, I could save money on the house by doing some of the work myself with the extra time I’d free up. While I wasn’t being completely financially irresponsible, it was definitely a risk. That didn’t scare me since I am the risk-taker, but Aly likes predictability. I realized this decision was stretching her, which made me even more grateful for her support.
After more prayer and seeking wise counsel from a mentor, I quit my coaching job. As soon as I did, I felt an immediate rush of peace about it. It was hard for others to understand, especially with no real concrete reason for quitting other than feeling directed by God to do so, but I knew without a doubt this was the right move for our family. It’s often hard for Christians to decipher what messages come from the Holy Spirit and what messages come from our own minds, but I knew this was a Holy Spirit calling. I also believe our obedience to God’s call on our lives always leads to a fuller life in Christ—even when the road ahead takes you on some terrifying twists and turns that you never saw coming. I didn’t know it at the time, but God was freeing up my time for some important work that was just around the corner. He truly goes before us and prepares the way.
EVERYTHING CHANGES
—ALY—
I was scared when Josh quit his coaching job, but he and I were both convinced it was the right decision—even though we didn’t know why it was the right decision. And to add to the craziness, we decided we’d start trying to get pregnant. We were living with his parents at the time, we were building a house, Josh was reexamining his career, and I was starting my PhD program. In many ways, this didn’t seem like the best time to grow our family. As we continued to talk, though, we agreed there would never be a perfect time. There would always be something to worry about, so we figured this was as good a time as any. As it turned out, the timing actually was perfect—just not in the way we expected.
Josh and I saved ourselves sexually for marriage, but as a young woman, I had still spent years and years hearing all the lectures and warnings about preventing pregnancy. By the time we abandoned our birth control methods and started trying to have a child, I was convinced we’d get pregnant the first try. That didn’t happen. Apparently my body didn’t get the memo about my life plan. The first month went by, then the second. No baby. After the second month of trying, I burst into tears when I saw the negative pregnancy test result. I couldn’t help but think, What’s wrong with me? You may laugh at me for breaking down after only two months, especially if you’ve been through the struggles of infertility yourself, but I didn’t know then what I know now. I had never even considered the possibility of not getting pregnant.
At one point I thought, The test result is wrong. I know I’m pregnant. I can feel it. That’s right, regardless of the unmistakable negative line on the test, I convinced myself I was pregnant. I mean, I had all these symptoms. Something had to be going on with me. I consulted the world’s greatest medical expert, Google, and searched for signs of pregnancy. Nausea? Check! Weird appetite? Check! Strange bowel movements? Gross, but check! Late period? Check! Sore breasts? Hmm. I wasn’t sure. Maybe they were, but that usually happened near my period anyway. I decided to jump in the shower and do a breast self-exam, trying to convince myself that my breasts were sore. Well, they weren’t. But I did notice something; I felt a little lump in my breast. I wondered if the lump meant that my milk was coming in because I was pregnant. Laugh if you want. I was working toward a PhD, not an MD!
The lump got my attention, though. I got out of the shower and had Josh feel it. He and I both thought it was nothing dangerous, but we agreed I would get it looked at. Better safe than sorry, right?
—JOSH—
I really didn’t think that little knot in her breast was a big deal, but I wanted to support her in getting anything checked out that concerned her. She saw the doctor and then had an ultrasound done. They said it was likely a fibroadenoma, a benign lump, and we decided to have it removed.
We were all relieved when Aly got out of surgery, and the surgeon said he was 99.9 percent sure it was indeed a fibroadenoma. He explained that this was common in young women and told us to go home and rest in peace knowing all was well. On our way home from the hospital, we discussed how thankful we were to already have a reasonably final diagnosis instead of having to wait a few days. I commented on how differently the day could have gone if we had gotten bad news instead. It was another day of praise for the Taylor family!
At church the following Sunday, I felt a strong urge to have Aly go down for prayer with the elders. She gave me a strange look when I mentioned it, clearly not understanding why. I said something about not being able to explain the feeling, and she agreed to have the elders pray over her. I’m not saying I knew something was wrong; I didn’t. I just knew God was calling me to cover my wife in prayer. None of us knew that the following day would change our lives forever.
—ALY—
The next day was—you guessed it—October 17, 2011. We already told you our lives changed forever that day, so you can probably guess what happened. I knew a nurse would call with the official results from my biopsy that day, but I wasn’t concerned. The doctor told us it was nothing. Just a benign little knot. Certainly nothing worth worrying about. Josh and I went about our day like normal and drove to the house we were building to work for the afternoon. After a couple of hours sanding baseboards and filling holes with putty, my phone rang, and I saw that it was the doctor’s office. I answered, expecting the friendly nurse to be on the other end. Instead, it was the surgeon who had reassured me that everything was fine just a couple of days earlier. Any optimism he’d had in his voice the last time we’d talked was gone.
“Aly,” he said with a nervous crack in his voice. “I am so shocked, but your biopsy results came back… and it is breast cancer.”
I don’t remember anything else he said after that, but I will never forget those words. The words that changed my life forever. The words that I feared would end my life.
It was supposed to be so simple: young love, happy marriage, career, children, health, and happiness. I was twenty-four years old. This was supposed to be the time in our lives when a doctor was calling to tell us I was pregnant. But it wasn’t a baby growing inside my body; it was cancer. My plan was ruined.
CHAPTER 2
BREAST CANCER AT TWENTY-FOUR?!
—JOSH—
Aly’s cries echoed through our empty, unfinished home as she slid down the wall and collapsed onto the bare floor. She wrapped her arms around her chest—which was still bandaged from the biopsy surgery—and screamed, “God! Heal me! Please! Please heal me, God!”
I ran over and fell on the floor next to her. “What is it? What’s going on?” I asked, but she couldn’t tell me. She was just weeping and weeping. Her face was completely white; I’d never seen that look in the eight years I’d known her. I knew I’d heard the words breast cancer, but that didn’t make any sense. Aly had always been ridiculously healthy. Seriously, the girl never got sick. Besides, the doctor had told us days earlier that there was nothing to worry about, and now they were talking about cancer? No way. At worst, I thought she might have just a little bit of cancer. Is that even a thing?
As she sat balled up in the corner of the room crying and praying, I grabbed the telephone. I needed answers. I’m her husband; I fix things. How could I fix this if I didn’t know what was going on? So I called the doctor back to make sure Aly had heard correctly. Surely she’d misunderstood. The doctor answered the phone himself; it had probably only been thirty seconds since he’d hung up with Aly. I blurted out, “Is it true? Does my wife really have cancer?”
“Yes, Josh. I’m so sorry, but she does.” His tone left no doubt, but just to drive the point home, he told me this was a very serious situation. He wanted to meet us in his office the following day to discuss our next steps.
What do you say in that situation? Arguing with the doctor wouldn’t help, and the terror and frustration left me speechle
ss. There was nothing I could do to fix this. I hung up and fell on the floor next to my wife. Only moments before, we were goofing off and sanding baseboards in our new home; now we were crying and praying for God to save her life.
We are all truly one phone call away from falling to our knees.
WHAT NOW?
—ALY—
That afternoon, before the phone call that changed everything, Josh and I were laughing and joking about our future. There was no doubt we’d be pregnant soon, and we decided the very room we were sanding could be the baby’s nursery. I came up with a great idea: We’d paint “Baby’s Room” on the walls before we finished painting everything. Then we could bring our parents over for a tour of our in-progress home. When they got to this room, they’d see “Baby’s Room” and know we were pregnant! What a celebration that would be! Everyone would be so happy; it would be a day we’d always remember.
That vision was fresh in my mind as the phone rang. Literally one minute I was dreaming about our pregnancy reveal and the next I was on the floor crying, praying, and wondering if I would ever be able to have children—if I lived at all. Talk about a whirlwind.
I’ve often wondered how people get through life without a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. This was one of those times. The only—and I mean only—thing I had hope in during this moment was that I had Jesus living in me, and I truly believed He could heal me. But what would it look like to walk out that faith in real life? I didn’t even know what to do for the rest of that afternoon and night. I mean, I knew we were meeting with the doctor the next day, but what should we do in the meantime? I thought, Do we keep sanding the room? Do we leave? Who should we call? How am I going to sleep tonight? Do we go to work and school in the morning? We were clueless.
As I sat there feeling overwhelmed, Matthew 6:34 came to mind: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I knew if I thought too far into the future I would become extremely overwhelmed and caught up in worry. I had to focus on today. Today I learned I had cancer. I felt as though the world should stop for a while to let me adjust, but I realized a hard truth about life: it goes on. The world doesn’t stop spinning, not even long enough for a twenty-four-year-old girl to deal with the worst news she could imagine.